


Sting in the Tail

by emmaliza



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi High, Degrassi Junior High
Genre: Angst, Denial, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27381334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmaliza/pseuds/emmaliza
Summary: On Halloween, Joey tries to get Snake to confront his deepest fear. But not all fears are confined to one day of the year.
Relationships: Archibald "Snake" Simpson/Derek "Wheels" Wheeler, Joey Jeremiah & Archibald "Snake" Simpson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Sting in the Tail

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, Halloween was days ago, ~~but I'm anxious enough anyway.~~

“So, what's your deepest, darkest fear?”

Snake can only stare baffled at having _Killer Cannibals From the Planet Neptune_ interrupted in such a way. “What kind of question is that, Joey?”

Joey shrugs. “Hey, it's Halloween, right? Time for everybody to face their fears. C'mon, I'm sure Wheels'll answer me.” He casts his eyes over to Wheels, lying half-asleep on Joey's couch. “Hey Wheels, what's your biggest fear?”

Wheels doesn't answer for a long time, and Snake thinks he might have nodded off, sparing them all the trouble. But then he suggests: “Losing my parents?”

 _Damn, I thought I turned the radiator on._ All the warmth seems to leave the room, and even Joey, never the paragon of sensitivity, looks devastated. “Wheels man, I'm sorry, I didn't mean–”

“It's fine.” Snake can't help but stare as Wheels rolls on his side, pulling the blanket up over himself protectively. _Yeah right._ “I'm just tired, I want to get some sleep.”

“Yeah, sure buddy,” Joey murmurs, and as Snake watches Wheels coil up, his heart starts to pound, nausea brewing in his stomach.

“I'm going to go get more chips,” he says as he gets to his feet in a hurry, extracting himself from the situation.

* * *

It's only so much of a surprise when Joey goes and follows him into the kitchen. Well, at least he looks sheepish about the whole thing. “Alright, you can say it,” he sighs.

Snake pauses halfway through pouring a bowl of chips. “Say what?” he asks, not sure if he's playing dumb or not.

“Wheels! Okay, I know I was a jerk asking him that. I should have thought more. You know me, huh?”

Yeah, Snake does know Joey. He shrugs. “I mean, it was just a question. There was no reason for Wheels to jump straight to... that.” _Unless he still thinks about it all the time._ Snake worries about that, sometimes, he catches this look in Wheels' eye that makes it seem like he's still not okay, not as okay as he acts – but if he isn't, what are they meant to do about it?

“I guess,” Joey mutters miserably. But then he cheers up a lot, which is rarely a good sign. “But hey, just because he's sad doesn't mean you can't answer. Why won't you tell me, man?”

Snake freezes. Damn, he thought he was off the hook. “Because it's none of your business, that's why,” he says and tries to brush past Joey and back into the living room, but Joey stands in the doorway, stopping him.

“C'mon, is it something embarrassing? I won't tell anybody, promise. You know I'm scared of needles, and clowns, and – a lot of things, really.”

This is such a stupid question – Snake's afraid of so many things, how would he know what his deepest, darkest fear is?

(He totally knows.)

“Thanks for sharing,” Snake drawls, and tries to move past him again – but Joey grabs his arm.

“Snake?” Snake stops. Joey looks oddly serious now, and that's an even worse sign. “Look, if you really don't wanna tell me, fine, but – are you okay? You're being kind of weird about this, man.”

He stops. “I'm fine,” he says quickly – too quickly, it comes out in a nervous rush. Joey frowns. “Just, don't want to talk about this.”

“Why not?”

 _Because telling you would make it real._ None of this is fair. Before, if he ever felt a misplaced urge, had some passing thought that shouldn't be there, he could tell himself that he's fifteen, that's normal. But now, every one burns and festers at the back of his mind, making him wonder if this is the beginning of the end. If he tells Joey, then those thoughts are real, there, he can't brush them aside anymore – and if he's asking the question, then maybe, deep down, he already knows the answer.

“C'mon man, what could be so bad?”

Snake's eyes shift over to Wheels on the couch, asleep and, seemingly, content. “Losing my parents?”

He doesn't realise he's said it aloud until he looks down at Joey's dumbstruck face. _Crap_. “Snake, I know, that'd be awful,” Joey says, voice full of sympathy, “but I mean, do you really worry about that? What are the chances of something like that happening twice?”

Snake swallows hard. _What indeed._

* * *

After all that, Joey abandons him to go to the toilet, leaving him alone with Wheels' comatose body. Snake keeps running his hand through his bowl of chips, but he can't bring himself to eat any of them, he feels too queasy.

This isn't fair. Halloween used to be fun, when he was little, all demons, vampires, scary movies and too much candy. He never used to have anything real to be afraid of.

Snake has always been the least brave of their trio; the cautious, sensible one, who tries not to take risks or act out of line. He's never been in real trouble before. Just like Glen.

He crushes a handful of chips in his palm. He's _not_ like Glen. If Glen had never told them, he wouldn't even be worried about it. Really, this is all his fault.

Guilt swirls in Snake's belly. He wants to blame Glen, and maybe he should, but he can't. All Glen did was be honest, isn't that what Mom and Dad always taught them to do? And _they're_ the ones who kicked him out for it.

Snake takes a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. He'll give himself a heart attack if he keeps this up. After all, it's not like there's anything wrong with him; Glen said he wasn't going to be like him, and Snake believes it. He's just going through some teenage hormone thing. But this isn't anything weird, he isn't abnormal, there's nothing that separates him from any other guy...

And then there's Wheels.

Snake steals a glance toward him, snoring away on the couch, and then looks away. It's not like there's anything special about Wheels – indeed, looking at him, with his hockey hair, jean jacket and glasses, he's practically the embodiment of Canadian ordinariness. But Wheels is always – there's something so intense about him. He's not like Snake: he's stubborn, and reckless bordering on self-destructive. At least, he is now. When his parents were killed, Snake couldn't bring himself to talk to him – he felt awful for it, but seeing Wheels in pain was agony, so much he couldn't bear it. It made him feel like he was the one whose parents died, and now he wonders what it is about Wheels that means Snake feels his pain like his own.

But that was, probably, some kind of sympathy for a friend hurting, though it might not have looked like it at the time. So was his guilty mix of concern and relief when Wheels was MIA for so long. It was all just confusing. Grief always is.

Not thinking about it, Snake gets to his feet, moving over to watch Wheels as he sleeps. He's stopped snoring now. Alright, he's not a bad looking guy – so Snake thinks, he doesn't make a habit of assessing his male friends' attractiveness. But, if he absolutely had to do something ( _what?_ ) with another guy, he would rather Wheels than Joey. Or Shane. Or BLT. Or... Any guy he knows, really.

 _Crap_.

Guilt, confusion and anger circle his gut as Wheels snoozes. He drops to his knees beside the couch. This is stupid. Even if he did – feel something – about Wheels, what could be possibly do about it? Wheels has so many problems, and all they want is for him to go back to normal; how is one of his best friends falling in love with him going to help?

But, watching him like this, part of Snake – a self-destructive impulse that would make Wheels proud – wants to give in. He wants to figure something out at least. What would it say about him, right now, if he reached out and touched Wheels' hair? Stroked his cheek? Kissed him?

“Snake?” He jumps a mile when he realises Wheels isn't as asleep as he thought. “What are you doing?”

Snake is lost for words. He is, without noticing it, inches from Wheels' lips. What _is_ he doing? “I'm just... facing my fear?”

He hopes that answer is vague enough Wheels can just ignore it, and go back to sleep. But instead, one of Wheels' eyes creaks open. “This a dream, right?” he asks, eyeing Snake suspiciously. “I'm still asleep?”

“Uh, sure.” Maybe that's the best excuse to go with.

To his slight surprise, Wheels smiles. “Good.” To his much bigger surprise, Wheels reaches up with one hand, winds it around his neck, and kisses him.

Snake freezes. _The hell?_ Consciously, he knows he has to pull away, put a stop to this before– but every part of his body wants to kiss back. It feels _right_.

“Gee, that took awhile.” Snake does pull away, jumping when he hears Joey come back into the room. Did he see? “Too many liquorice allsorts, if you know what I mean.” He doesn't look like he just saw his two best friends practically making out; he curls up under the blankets and doesn't even notice that Snake still kneeling beside the couch. Snake looks toward Wheels, wondering if he'll get any help distracting Joey, but he's already passed back out. _Thanks a lot._ So Snake tries to act normal, giving Joey his best _gross_ face and being very relieved to be ignored. “Anyway, I'm tired, we should get some sleep.”

Snake's lips are burning with Wheels' kiss. “Sleep. Yeah.” _Good luck with that._

* * *

“You know what really scares me?”

Snake sighs deeply. He hasn't been able to sleep at all since– but he shouldn't be surprised by Joey waking up at three in the morning to ask inane questions.

Well, at least it should be a distraction. His head is still racing. Wheels kissed him. Wheels _kissed_ him. What did he do that for? Did he know what Snake was thinking, somehow, and do it just to mess with him? But he thought it was a dream. Wheels thought he was dreaming, and so he kissed Snake. What, does Wheels dream about kissing him a lot?

“What?” he grumbles.

“Child abuse.”

Somehow that startles Snake out of his reverie, Joey bringing up something so dark out of nowhere, and he rolls on his side to stare at him. Joey laughs uncomfortably. “Ah, don't worry, I'm not in trouble or nothing. Just – you remember that guy Rick? We went to junior high with him.”

Snake frowns. “Kinda, why?”

“His dad used to beat him up.” Snake blinks, wondering, among other things, how Joey knows this, but to be fair he promptly explains. “One time I went to his place to buy a jacket, and his dad went ballistic, just because he gave me a coke! Didn't even wait until I was gone until he started wailing on him.”

“That's awful,” Snake grimaces, not sure what else to say.

“Yeah.” Joey looks uncharacteristically thoughtful. “I mean, Rick got help, went to live with his brother, but – it freaked me out, the thought anyone could do that to their own kid. The way I see it, you have a kid, you sign yourself up to love them, protect them, no matter what happens – what could anybody do that would make their parents stop doing that?”

Snake flinches, Glen's face popping unwittingly into his mind. But their parents aren't _child abusers_ , jesus, they would never dream of hitting him, they just–

They don't love Glen anymore. Because he's gay.

“Just go to bed Joey, I'm tired,” he lies, but when he rolls on his side to escape the conversation he is left facing Wheels. Wheels. Snake's lips still feel raw, long past the point he knows he can actually feel anything, and guilt churns in his belly.

He has nothing to feel guilty about. He didn't do anything: Wheels kissed _him_ , Snake didn't kiss him back. _But I wanted to._ What does that mean, that he really is like Glen? His parents won't love him anymore if he's like Glen. Gay. They won't love him anymore if he's gay.

Snake watches Wheels asleep on the couch. _Losing my parents,_ indeed. Wheels' parents loved him until the day they died. He has no idea.


End file.
